I think it’s impossible to move to the East Coast without bringing some romantic notions with you. Our ideas about the Atlantic provinces have been thoroughly shaped by a combination of genuine cultural expression, sentimental imitation, and oh-so-effective advertising campaigns.
I couldn’t help but see myself in those manufactured images, bounding across the rocky shores with my rubber boots, my itchy woollen sweater, and my long, lush tresses, flowing in the wind – especially since a recent DNA test determined that my heritage is mostly Highland Scottish and Northern Irish. I would look like a natural here, lolloping through the wildflower-strewn meadows and beach combing on misty shores. The image that had been forming in my mind looked something like this.
My hair is gray, not red, and I am much older than this woman, but those are details. This would be the new me, fulfilling the promise of my genes.
And what a coincidence – I decided to move to Newfoundland at exactly the same time that COVID had prevented me from getting my hair cut! After 30+ years of short, short hair, I had let my hair grow, so that by the time we moved, it was long enough for a short ponytail. Not exactly long, lush tresses, but headed in that direction.
When we first arrived, I went outside with my hair down. If the wind was blowing in the right direction, I felt windswept in a good way. But mostly I struggled to keep my hair out of my eyes and mouth. So once our quarantine was over, I got some hair elastics and bobby pins, and found a hat that I liked. Given the almost constant breeze, I seldom went out without putting my hair up and my hat on.
In the house, my hair either looked great because I had just washed it, or it looked weird because I’d had it up in a ponytail all day. As the weather warmed up, I started wearing my hair up in the house as well, to avoid sweating.
Gradually, I began to notice that there were long hairs everywhere – all over the floor, in the sink, on my clothes, in the bed, on the kitchen counter, and every now and then, in my food. Les also noticed it. At first, I thought maybe it was just me, but as I asked friends and googled “long hairs everywhere”, I learned that this was just part of having longer hair; not only are the hairs you lose more visible, but you may actually lose more of them. I began to have flashbacks to sitting in the bath as a child with long hair (which my mother loved) and removing floating hairs from the surface of the water. I would line them up on the side of the bath, and even as I think about it now, I can feel the mild disgust that I experienced then.
I began to avoid washing my hair because I hated the way it felt when it was wet. I hated the way it felt when I got into bed and put my head on the pillow. I hated brushing it. I hated pulling the hairs off the brush afterwards. Romanticized images of maritime me were no match for the visceral (and somewhat OCD) reaction that my long hair triggered. And so, the long hair had to go.
Curious to see how my new look might fit into existing paradigms, I googled “short haired woman on Newfoundland beach” and this was the first picture that came up (from MyBrownNewfies.com).
So much for romantic notions!
This is so hilarious Jennifer! I laughed out loud when I read it!
Glad you liked it!
Jennifer, that’s hilarious! 🤣🤣
Awesome post. And my romantic notions of Newfoundland persist, including some with you on rocky shores in rubber boots, albeit maybe not bounding….something more akin to meandering with the occasional twirl. Lets call them romantic notions evolved. 🙂
I can meander and twirl!
Thank you! I needed to start my week with a good laugh.
Thinking my long silver locks need a trim. Not only hair everywhere but knots that are difficult to get out. Have already hacked off 8 inches. And I never wear it down!
I’m glad it gave you a laugh! Your hair looked absolutely lovely in the picture you posted last week – if mine looked like that, I might consider keeping it.
Truly funny! Love your writing. AND, having seen you on ZOOM with your shorter hair, I believe you made an excellent decision to go “short”. 🙂
I’m having a similar experience with my hair…minus the Newfoundland romantic adventure in the middle! It hasn’t been cut since the start of Covid…first because it was so much cooler to put in a ponytail…albeit a short one. . .and it looked presentable without as much daily fuss to corral the offending strands sticking straight up from sleeping on it. And so I too began to avoid washing my hair as often for all the same reasons you cite. But my hair has begun showing up everywhere in bigger quantities, and will likely meet its day of reckoning when I venture off to my hairdresser for the first time tomorrow.
Equally unsettling are the 3-4 quite different shades of grey to white showing up on different parts of my head!
I hope the hairdresser will be gentle with me tomorrow as I attempt to restrain her from just cutting it all off!
Good luck at the hairdressers!
thanks…I’ll send you a pic. If there’s a bag over my head, you’ll know it didn’t end well! 🙂
Love this. Great writing and funny ending. My kids have found my long blonde/silver hair in their food all the time and are generally disgusted!!
I just got my bushy thick over grown hair cut last night, not quite sure to do with my hair now that its short again but darn it feels so good.
Doesn’t it?!